Becoming New

January of 2017, I had a profound dream where I died in a car accident or atleast I thought I did... my death came as a relief to me, I actually started to rejoice but was interrupted by a woman who flashed a flash light into my eyes and asked if I could see the light, I responded yes and she took me by the hand and walked me into a operating room where I was being operated on and she reassured me that I was going to be okay and would live through this but I needed to see this. I woke up to a flood of tears, I felt a deep sense of grief that I didn’t understand at the time. Now looking back that dream changed my life, it changed my perspective on what I knew life to be and what I thought I wanted.

After, that dream I went on a quest to find out why I survived that car accident. Why am I here, what is my purpose and why did I need to see what I saw. That last sentence has always stood out to me "you need to see this". From that one sentence, I became an observer. Truthfully, I've always been an observer but after that dream I became a student to my observations. Most of 2017, I spent in resistance to this change... I changed my appearance, I changed my job 3x's and picked up a few new hobbies, all in hopes of feeling whole again. I knew something had changed for me and I was looking to fill a void but I didn’t truly understand what it was. By 2018 I surrendered, I began to observe who I had been those last 30 years, I deep dived into every healing modality or spiritual practice you can think of, I became a student so that I could gain insight on this new person I was transforming into. Between then and now, I have had to face many painful truths of my childhood including molestation, abandonment, mother + father wounds, low self esteem and more. I've had to acknowledge how those also played a part in my own parenting, relationships and how I show up in the world or lack there of. I have had to unbecome a lot of who I thought I was and who others perceived me to be, to discover my true essence. Through my journey I have gained the ears and eyes to see the universal language of love that is living through all of our lives rather we become aware of it or not. How each experience is divinely aligned to awaken our awareness of love.

I have taken the last 6 years and put my journey together as a template and guide to becoming new. My workbook “Becoming New” is my journey of self discovery and returning to love. This workbook is an accumulation of the questions and exercises I've done that have given me a greater understanding of love and who I am. My prayer is that others can use this as a navigational tool on their journey back home to self and a return to love.